Relationships: Not ‘HOW’ but ‘WHERE’ Are You?


In the book The Power of The Other, Dr. Henry Cloud takes us on a journey to discover the power of relationships with a different flair from what I have read before.

He talks about four (4) types of connections, or corners, in regards to relationships. Below are the names for reference:

  1. Corner #1 – Disconnected, No Connection
  2. Corner #2 – The Bad Connection
  3. Corner #3 – The Pseudo-Good Connection
  4. Corner #4 – True Connection

I’ll touch on connection types in the future but for now I want to share a thought on how he set up the context for the four (4) corners.

Henry introduces the concept of connections with a simple example:

You meet with a friend at a restaurant and she asks “So, where are you?”

If you are like me, you’d probably thought “what the hell is wrong with you…I’m right here!”

Why not “HOW”?

It seems “WHERE” is a much more profound and careful question to use.

  • Where are you mentally?
  • Where are you emotionally?
  • On the spectrum of fulfillment, where are you?
  • How satisfied do you feel with life?
  • Where are you in regards to fulfilling your dreams?
  • Where are you in the process of living life?
  • Where are you headed?
  • Where are you stuck?

I have to admit, at any given time, I might be physically present but my heart, mind, and soul can be somewhere else.

There are so many aspects to the question that it requires some time to really ponder on it.

For now, I can only summarize in the context of the example and pose a challenge to myself and you.

When it comes to our relationship, how strong and what type of connection do we have?

What a profound question to ask the next time I meet with someone.

I have no doubt of the power of relationships in my life. My most powerful memories of life, have always included others.






What is your experience with this concept?

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