As part of the #IntentionalLiving 30 day challenge, I was asked to reflect on the question: where am I losing by winning?
Today, I take a moment to update my response from November 2015.
One of the behaviors that lead to my demise as a leader, back in 2012, was trying to win all the time by:
- Forcing others to accept my idea as the best one.
- Convincing others I could solve all their problems.
- Worrying only about me team’s success.
- Having others depend on me to make decisions.
My intentions were to help everyone by forcing my solutions on them. But, not surprisingly, the more I tried to win, the more I alienated people.
I was winning the arguments but losing the team.
Ultimately, my behavior gave me the gift of exile. I was practically kicked out of the team.
Here are eight (8) things I have learned since my original statements.
- The only result from winning all the time is alienation from others.
- A leader that needs to be right, is one that creates distrust.
- Having to make all decisions, develops a mediocre team.
- The more I want to be important, the less valuable I become. No one follows a needy person.
- My significance is determined by how well my department runs when I’m gone.
- The best solutions are rarely a product of a single mind; they are a result of collective effort.
- It feels amazing not having to solve everyone’s problems.
- It’s more satisfying to see others develop their own ways to win.
What I have found most intriguing about not having to win at all costs is how I have grown my circle of influence since I started letting others win. By allowing others to implement their own ideas, I now have more people reaching out to me for counsel than when I was playing the role of know-it-all.
I guess there’s a lot of truth in the old adage “the more you give, the more it will come back to you.”
How has this change in perspective helped you?