Where Are You Losing By Winning? 

As part of the #IntentionalLiving 30 day challenge, I was asked to reflect on the question: where am I losing by winning?

Today, I take a moment to update my response from November 2015.

One of the behaviors that lead to my demise as a leader, back in 2012, was trying to win all the time by:

  • Forcing others to accept my idea as the best one.
  • Convincing others I could solve all their problems.
  • Worrying only about me team’s success.
  • Having others depend on me to make decisions.

My intentions were to help everyone by forcing my solutions on them. But, not surprisingly, the more I tried to win, the more I alienated people.

I was winning the arguments but losing the team.

Ultimately, my behavior gave me the gift of exile. I was practically kicked out of the team.


Here are eight (8) things I have learned since my original statements.

  1. The only result from winning all the time is alienation from others.
  2. A leader that needs to be right, is one that creates distrust.
  3. Having to make all decisions, develops a mediocre team.
  4. The more I want to be important, the less valuable I become. No one follows a needy person.
  5. My significance is determined by how well my department runs when I’m gone.
  6. The best solutions are rarely a product of a single mind; they are a result of collective effort.
  7. It feels amazing not having to solve everyone’s problems.
  8. It’s more satisfying to see others develop their own ways to win.

What I have found most intriguing about not having to win at all costs is how I have grown my circle of influence since I started letting others win. By allowing others to implement their own ideas, I now have more people reaching out to me for counsel than when I was playing the role of know-it-all.

I guess there’s a lot of truth in the old adage “the more you give, the more it will come back to you.”

How has this change in perspective helped you?



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